The beach, faith, and inbetween
Dear Izzy, Max, and Kate,
The trick to leaving the beach is to pretend it’s not there –
that without you –
it ceases to exist. At least until you come back to it,
and it give it life again.
Of course, that doesn’t work and I always end up feeling just a little hollow when we leave.
I didn’t feel quite as empty this year on our last day as I have in other years though. I think as 40 approaches I’m coming to terms with myself and the world around me. I’m accepting Gods grace in my life when I used to wrestle with it for a variety of reasons. Like I understand the hollowness and accept that it will always be filled again.
I used to sit early in the morning or late in the afternoon on the beach, alone, years ago.
I’d drift slowly out to sea, letting my dreams rise, fall, and roll back to the beach and my bare feet –
then back out again, hour upon hour, until something I couldn’t hold on to or even see, filled me.
I’d stare hard, squinting my eyes, looking for the end of the horizon – because I knew if I could find it I’d figure it all out.
The waves swirling and roaring like God’s own voice. Most days I’d walk away full of that alone.
How many years ago. And so much has changed. And something about me remains the same.
But the tune feels more real now: A Pirate Looks at 40, indeed.
More grey hair, legs a little more tired.
My hands look old, but my heart feels more full. I’m still motivated to train – more now than in recent years.
Star Wars movies lulling you to sleep after long days in the sand and ice cream lunches.
Jimmy Buffett or Frank Bama said that you eventually figure out that you don’t have to figure it all out.
“You hold the treasures few have ever seen – most of them dreams, most of them dreams.”
We go to the beach every year. I hope someday you’ll remember each and every trip.
And in between, no matter what you tell yourself – accept that each time you feel a cool breeze, feel warm sun on your face, that the beach is always there. Waiting for you.
I love you,
TRAINING: 2 WEEKS OUT FROM TOUGHMAN ALABAMA. I don’t take my bike or my swim stuff when we go to the beach. I do a few short runs, but take vacation seriously – meaning rest and fun, not “training”.
Here are the last 10-12 days or so:
Thursday: rode 52 miles
Friday: short swim
Sat: drive to beach
Sun: Ran 8 miles
Wed: Ran 4 miles
Friday: Ran 7 miles
Sat: Drive home from beach
Sun: Rode 62 miles
Mon: Swam 1000 / Ran 4.5
Tues: Biked 20 miles / Ran 2 miles BRICK